By Cameron Noble
LGBTQ+ culture is no stranger to cuffing season – a period of time where people metaphorically handcuff themselves to a partner on a short-term basis to accompany each other over the course of winter. Cuffing season, for those who participate, enjoy feelings of comfort, intimacy and warmth to combat the cold and possibly lonely season. On the other hand, cuffing season can also evoke feelings of envy, isolation, and a deep sense of hopelessness, particularly for those who are fascinated with the idea of pairing with another for a couple of months and want to get in on the action, but aren’t lucky to connect with the right person.
For closeted single men, it’s a whole new game. The additional pressure of keeping their sexuality under the radar prevents them from fully embracing cuffing season, even if they do desire a short-term partner. During cuffing season, closeted single men face the winter alone, and don’t reap the benefits of having a short-term partner, but is that really the case?
From Auchterarder and Edinburgh, George (22) and Michael (29) shared their thoughts about cuffing season from a closeted perspective, and how they get by without the need for a partner. Their names have been changed to respect their anonymity.
George identified as bisexual, but has not revealed his sexuality to his friends or family, especially his parent whom he still lives under a roof with. His family believe men can be sexually attractive to men, but draws the line at bisexuality where they feel bisexuality doesn’t truly exist. As a result, he is not comfortable sharing his true sexuality in fear it would damage his relationship with his family. George has not been in a relationship before, but is actively searching for women to swipe right on dating apps such as Tinder. Given he keeps his profile clear of photographs of his face, he also swipes through a selection of men so he can safely see everyone he could potentially date without compromising his secrecy.
“You see other people on social media having a blast in their relationships, so you kind of feel like you’re missing out on something,” George described his feelings about being single, “So far, I’ve had better chats with guys on here [Tinder] compared to girls but nothing really develops since my family believe I’m straight.”
Michael is exclusively attracted to men and is open to his family about his sexuality, but as his friends are homophobic, he only reveals his true sexuality to those who need to know. He has great memories with his friends, and feels that the bond they have built with each other shouldn’t be damaged over his attraction for men over women. Michael had previous experience in a relationship, but recently broke-up after realising juggling his romantic life with his friends was becoming a bit of a struggle. For the time being, he has been enjoying the perks of being single and living life by his rules.
“Going our separate ways was best for both of us,” Michael referred to the break-up with his ex-boyfriend, “Now that I’m single again, I can do things on my terms without having to think about commitments.”
Michael has made the most of his reclaimed freedom of being single by dedicating his daylight hours with friends whenever he isn’t working, and reserving his evenings and nights to fulfil his sexual desires by involving himself on gay-oriented hookup apps such as Grindr. Ontop, whenever he is doing neither of those, he enjoys treating himself by taking himself on a date, whether by dining alone at a restaurant in the heart of Edinburgh, or buying last minute tickets and snacks at a cinema to see the latest films.
“For those who are single, count it as a blessing.” Michael said, “I think there’s a stigma attached to single people, and that’s not true. You can focus on you. Do what makes you happy.”
Given Michael has experienced what it is like to be in a relationship, it may be easier for him to accept that relationships aren’t the only source of comfort, intimacy and warmth during winter, compared to George. However, George is aware these feelings can be obtained elsewhere, primarily from his friends.
“My friends love me, and I guess that matters to me more.” George said, “We’ve got a few things planned for December that we’re looking forward to.”
For the lead up to Christmas, George and his friends are hitting the pubs and clubs for a rowdy night filled with drinks and blasting music. Delving deep into an energetic atmosphere with hundreds of people can spark feelings of excitement and inclusion, plus the thick air dampened by the sweat of dancing crowds will certainly keep him and his friends warm through the winter weather (at least for a little while). Pubs and clubs also provide a space where they can further connect with each other, where they can show their love for each other and create fun, lasting memories to cherish.
For those in the LGBTQ+ community who have successfully handcuffed themselves to a short-term partner, they can have their fun, but the closeted singles will certainly not be left out. Throughout cuffing season, closeted single men don’t necessarily need to rely on finding a temporary relationship to obtain feelings of comfort, intimacy and warmth. Instead, they continue living life by their own rules rather than betting all of their happiness on a romance-roulette. Being in the company of good friends, making and sharing memories together can be just as effective as what short-term relationships bring. No commitments to a relationship also keeps schedules more flexible, making it easier than ever to tick off activities on the bucket list without having to concern oneself over the need to include other people and cater to preferences. And as an added bonus, for those who enjoy regular no-strings-attached hookups with different people, being single grants you the ability to sleep with whoever you like without the guilt of cheating on a romantic partner.